Time the devourer of all things. - Ovid

Further adventures in reference librarianship . . .

* "Uh . . . " this said while scratching a big fat hairy belly hanging out from beneath his shirt

* "I need to know about companies who manufacture walk-in freezers"

* "I need a phone number for Robert Kennedy Jr. Or a personal email address." I was able to provide her with an address for the university where he works and a related email address but she wanted to be certain her correspondence would reach the man himself.

* But most frequently, "I need computer". They mean now, of course. We have 32 computers for public use in the building and they are generally booked within an hour of the library opening. And it is clearly my fault when there are none available.

I have been taking advantage of the reference materials at hand to do useful things like help Jane stalk Woody Allen or make sure Zelda knows the date of the very first SNL show (10/11/75) so she can celebrate the anniversary as necessary.

However -

I just received a start date for my new job as a Youth Services Librarian in Northern CA. That's right, BiblioFemme is definitely on the move! Right now my main concern is a 9 hour car trip in a VW Beetle with 3 unhappy cats. And who I am going to watch Season 3 of Dexter with when it come out on DVD. And where I am going to live when I get there. Okay, the tension is beginning to creep in so I'll sign off and resume flipping through the "Congressional Staff Directory" to soothe my nerves.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. - Eleanor Roosevelt

"You will do foolish things but do them with enthusiam" - Colette

Reference department, how can I help you?

"I need . . . a computer, to know from whom the US bought Alaska, the 2008 budget of the US Dept of Education, help using my Bissell vacuum, to know why I was kicked out and treated like a g-d criminal"; these are some of the questions I answered yesterday. I am most definitely not in YPL anymore. And surprisingly I miss it. That was not anticipated, since I have historically hated kids my entire life, even when I was one. But miss it I do and that is why I am so pleased that this reference position is only temporary. This is not a fact my supervisor is aware of just yet. I had to drive to Barstow on Monday to have my fingerprints taken for the required background check, a trip involving the Mad Greek, blasting tests at the military base, and waiting for the bail bonds lady to show up at the office. Barstow: always a treat. Now I just have to wait until all the paperwork arrives in the new district's HR office to get a start date and I am GONE.

I am getting teary-eyed at the prospect of leaving my loved ones in Vegas. Jane and Zelda have become so intrinsic that I can't imagine not being able to drag them to an all-night dinner for crisis consultation. A wonderful and once very close friend whom I shall refer to as "Tink" just moved back here and I am dismayed at not being able to resume our relationship. And who will have Mumbai Mondays with me? My Bollywood friend and I collaborated on a fantasy roller-derby team called the "Bindi Bruisers" and chose the names "Aishwarya Slay" (me) and "Rani Make-'em-flee" (her). For those not obsessed with India, those names are based on the popular actresses Aishwarya Rai and Rani Mukherjee. I was also thinking "Suttee Widow" would be a great name, especially if she painted flames on her skates. This idea is developing into a programming idea for my new library as well but more on that later. Now I call for comments; what would your roller-derby name be? Check out any number of teams' websites to get a feel for it or the YA book by Cross called "Derby Girl".

In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library. - Jorge Luis Borges

I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. - Groucho Marx

My last day at my current library. A little sad but inwardly I'm rejoicing. I dressed up for the occasion, my 3-inch heels making me an even six feet and my new Red Velvet Cake gloss flavoring and coloring my lips. Today I am super femme librarian! But this next step is only a brief one, I will become a reference librarian here in Las Vegas only temporarily because, to my immense pleasure, I have succeeded in securing the position I wanted in Northern California! I have not yet informed my new boss of this development since I am not sure of the exact date but it seems I will be moving in mid-October.

My visit to the area and my interview happened at the beginning of this week. I spent some time with my mom doing girly things like getting pedicures and buying some gorgeous shoes (including a pair of spike-heeled ankle boots that make me salivate just mentioning them). The library interview was hours of meeting with different people throughout the main library and answering endless questions. My faux storytime and book discussion went well and I was able to introduce some of my new coworkers to "New Socks" by Bob Shea, a great book to read to kids and very funny. Most of my time was spent wandering through the various libraries in the city and checking out the facilities. Such a library geek, even on vacation I tour them. I find that I really love the area, they have a much bigger gay community and tons of museums/venues/fun things to do. Basically the anti-Vegas.

Some fun things about my trip:
1. Meeting my gramma Jewel - in her 80s (though you would never guess) and she welcomed me into her house and tried to fatten me up
2. Tasting the food at an Afghan restaurant - mmm, rosewater and cardamon pudding!
3. Sharing red velvet cake with my mom at the dessert diner
4. Curling up with my mom's cat since I missed my own while I was gone
5. Meeting a high school friend of Mom's - they have a ranch in the middle of the city, horses and everything!
6. Getting out of Vegas and relaxing for awhile

Now I have to start packing and preparing to move. Which will be happening around the same time my best friend is getting married. Celebrations all around!

Don't join the book burners. Don't think you're going to conceal faults by concealing evidence that they ever existed. Don't be afraid to go in your library and read every book... - Dwight D. Eisenhower

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. - Mark Twain

Get not your friends by bare compliments, but by giving them sensible tokens of your love. - Socrates

I went to visit an old friend at B&N yesterday. While we were chatting, a customer came up and as she was helping him, he turned to me. "Can I give you a compliment?" Uh, sure? "You are perfect", he said. "I don't know if it's your clothes, your face, your body, but you are perfect." I thanked him and he left the store with the item you purchased. In telling this story to friends, some people think it is totally creepy and others think it is very kind. I was flattered and pleased to receive such a lovely compliment on my birthday and he was not slimy or overbearing in the least. Unlike some encounters . . . When Jane and I went to see local punks The Objex play a show, a drunk frat-type sidled up next to us. (The type I have nicknamed "terminal preppie" from the Dead Kennedys song of the same name) He began asking if I'd like a drink/dance/to go out sometime. I replied that I was flattered but that I am gay. He looked me up and down and provided this oh-so-charming rejoinder: "Why women? You're so attractive." Excuse me??? A girl would only be gay if she were too ugly to get a man? Fortunately Jane hustled him away before I made him permanently sterile but this is such a common problem for femmes. Just because a girl wears lipstick and heels, reveals some cleavage or likes to wear skirts, does NOT make her heterosexual. I have been reading articles about this on Sublimefemme Unbound and Femme's Guide to Absolutely Everything and they seem to be in agreement. I love being gay, I love pretty girly women, and I love to wear heels. Anyone who wants to make assumptions about me because of it should think again. I won't even start on the librarian sterotypes.

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. - Lynn Lavner - as published in PFLAG

We've kept the good old vices and labored to invent a few, With cake in vulgar surplus we can have it, and eat it too. - Toy Matinee

This is a gift from my coworker and friend, an ideal treat since I hate chocolate and this is a pair of adorable *pink* cupcakes with "perfect pink icing" and "petite pink curls". This the femme-iest girliest dessert I have ever seen. I squealed delightedly but only managed to devour one of them on my lunch break. Delicious! I am such a lucky girl.

There is nothing better than birthday cake. It's like a slice of concentrated love with buttercream frosting.

from Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

Or in my case fruit on top, since my beloved roommates presented me with a tres leches cake, my absolute favorite. Indeed, it is my birthday and I am pleased to welcome my 28th year. I am completely ready to release the age 27 to the ether that absorbs one's past because it was not my finest year. But I greet this birthday with wonderful and loving friends who, against their better judgment, presented me with 2 Bollywood movies to feed my Indian addiction. One of the two stars the divine Aishwarya Rai, for whom I am still holding out. I enjoyed a shower with black licorice scented body wash (another gift) and carried my library books back to work in my Indian-themed tote (from my Mumbai Monday friend). I always make it a point to call my mom on my birthday and offer my thanks for giving birth to me. I am rather indebted to her for that, I suppose. Sam and R Batty sent cards perfectly suited to my taste; they both managed to make me laugh aloud with their selections. I joined ALA with a birthday check from my grandparents and am now a full-fledged member, hooray! Thank you to everyone who made my birthday so delightful so far.

I like birthdays, as I like New Year's Eve or the first day of a month, as an good place to start a new chapter. Give me some comments, what do birthdays mean to you?

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost

If little else, the brain is an educational toy. - Tom Robbins

"How I love libraries, any and all libraries, those sanctuaries for the maimed and undanceable, the lowly, pimply, neurotic, overweight, underweight, myopic, asthmatic . . . Few are the flirtations in a library. Few are the assaults, physical or verbal. Libraries exist for people like me."
- Joyce Carol Oates, Expensive People

Today is my first day as a "librarian". I breezed past the breakroom, not needing to swipe my card and fairly danced toward my desk. I remain in my current library for 2 weeks but my position and pay change today. This will sustain me through my "I Sing the Body Electric" program today, where I will hand out saltines and explain the digestive process, we will breathe deeply and explain the respiration process, I will lead the patrons in a simple yoga series and try to understand what it means to fully inhabit one's body. Trying to do yoga with our jaded and thuggish little patrons? Not my brightest choice but perhaps it will succeed. I am in an anticipatory state, refining my program plans for the upcoming interview. Stargirl and Pigeons Finds a Hot Dog are my selected texts for use. Mo Willem's is a proven success with children, I read that book in my nephew's classroom to great acclaim and hope that positivity will carry over to my interview. And I have adored Stargirl since I first opened it, know it inside and out, and hope that comfort level will enable me to speak cogently and present my ideas well.

I like the loner's view of libraries presented by the narrator in Joyce Carol Oates' Expensive People, library as sanctuary for the unacceptable. I have grown up in libraries, remember checking out stacks of books up to my chin, arms extended and aching. I have always slept surrounded by shelves and shelves of books, find solace in running my eyes over them, rearranging them by subject or theoretical LC call number. (I am not yet far gone enough to have actually cataloged my home library) I bring home great stacks of materials, create extended reading lists, systematically work my way through the piles, assimilating and digesting materials from fiction and nonfiction alike. Books take me out of myself and return me improved. Reading is my joy and my solace and I am so lucky to have finally become a librarian, less than a week before my 28th birthday. Now on to more sobering personal matters.

"Only when the honey turns to dust are you free" - Rebecca Solnit, Field Guide to Getting Lost

This is a perfect summation of my current requirements, I am trying to let the honey that coats my heart turn to dust so that one of my many sighs might puff away the residue of adoration and pain. And so to will the sighs fade away, my eyes clear our the glamour that has entranced me. I likened my current state of sensation to the original "Little Mermaid" story, where she felt as though each step she took was on razor sharp knives. I feel as though each beat of my heart drives a thousand billion (the same number as cells in a human body) tiny spikes deeply into the muscle. But only when I remember her. The trick is to escape and let the honey become dust so that the memories will just be sweet and part of my arsenal of experiences. Until then, I will drown myself in books and experiences. Today's attempt? Sew Subversive, a book on creating one's own fabulous wardrobe though my talent in the domestic arts is restrained solely to the cleaning sphere. Cooking and sewing are nearly hopeless pursuits. I will keep trying though . . .

Intriguing fact from Harper's Index in October of 1989: Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250

Check out some of my new favorite online comics: Girls with Slingshots!, Eat Your Lipstick, Kawaii Not.