The more parts of yourself you can afford to forget, the more charm you have. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

The holiday did not go as planned. Though I had a lovely time in SF with my sister, we walked all over the city and enjoyed ourselves immensely. Then we returned home and met up with my mother so we had a family holiday, though not the one intended. I look forward to the celebration of New Year's Eve, one of my favorites. I anticipate a bath with my Lush bath bomb (in Phoenix scent, how new year appropriate) and some champagne and an evening alone. Delicious. Oh, and resolutions. I LOVE making resolutions. Goes along with lists and the obsessive color-coded recording in my daily planner.

I have said before but I repeat, I love my job. Being a librarian makes me so very happy. Though I spent part of Saturday weeding the children's' reference collection and I am alternately aghast and amused at what I removed. Examples? A book about famous "Negro" achievements. Uh . . . I'm pretty sure that is no longer a socially acceptable term. And hasn't been for some time. Guess the collection was a little neglected. Also, there was a book detailing children's' festivals in "Brazil, Iran, Sweden, and the USSR". Where? That place no longer exists. Again, who is supposed to have been paying attention to this? But I am now, our collection will improve and I will continue to devote my time to the library services and literacy. Hooray!

Next on my agenda - begin to date. I am not sure how I will accomplish this just yet. I responded to an ad on Craigslist but I don't think she is quite for me. And my (probably unrequited) crush on Hemalayaa Behl will remain confined to her workout videos. What's a (femme-loving femme)girl to do?

"A girl doesn't read this sort of think without her lipstick". - Truman Capote

The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word. - Mata Hari

I decided last night at 11pm that I ought to look up tickets to the Nutcracker. And when I realized that it was only being performed 2 more nights, I did the only sensible thing and bought myself a seat for the next night. That ballet IS the holiday season for me. Both my sister and I have danced in it. I vividly remember Ballet Arizona’s version. When I went downtown tonight to see the ballet, it was raining yet I neglected to bring an umbrella. I was warmly dressed in skintight jeans and a tank top with a long-sleeved dress over that and my new party-dress coat but that did not protect my glasses or my mascara from the drops that found me as I waited in line. The woman behind me asked “May I share my umbrella with you?” I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. We chatted politely and she was seemingly overjoyed to learn I was a librarian. She reacted far too strongly to this; I haven’t the slightest idea why. But the inevitable “you don’t look like a librarian” followed her exclamation of delight. Which begs the question, what DO I look like? We continued our discussion – her name is Margaret, she was a gorgeous and young looking 45, her husband was parking the car, she had built up her own medical billing business from when she was 21. Then we reached the awning and I was swept away in the crowd. Thank you, Margaret, you were very kind.

The ballet was simultaneously nostalgic and unfamiliar. The music brought tears to my eyes but the choreography was not very good. Some of the dancers were absolutely spectacular though and I am quite glad I went. Upon returning home, I looked in the mirror and decided not to let my carefully made-up eyes go to waste so I took myself to dinner. I finished reading the new YA retelling of the Snow White and Rose Red story, Tender Morsels. Very well-written, I recommend it. My plan for tomorrow is to go ice-skating in the outdoor rink that is set-up downtown, though I may save that for after the holiday season.

The work week was busy. I managed to submit all of my programs through the end of February to all the available news sources and found, this evening, a print version of one of my blurbs. Hooray! Plus “Python Ron” came to the library and there is now a picture of me with a gigantic albino python draped around my neck and Ron’s. I really love snakes, the astonishing muscular sensations moving against one’s skin. I had dinner with 2 lovely friends on Friday night; we then wandered to the newsstand as librarians are wont to do, even when not working. Monday I spent all day in the kitchen with an increasingly close friend as we baked enough cookies to create wrapped gifts plates for everyone we knew. The whole house was warm and sugar-scented and we enjoyed ourselves immensely.

I wrote myself a personal ad for posting on Craigslist. I would like to date, though I am not ready to share myself overmuch. I adore making out though and wish I were doing so. I am enjoying having my own space and empty hours to fill as I choose but an occasional femme companion would be a pleasure. We’ll see if I am brave enough to post it.

Reading List for the Previous Week: My Sister, My Love (new Joyce Carol Oates and VERY disturbingly wonderful!), Something to Blog About (YA, trite), Summer at Tiffany, Apart (YA, strange and Canadian), Center of the Universe (very accurate YA though I would hesitate in recommending it to teens for fear of enraged puritanical parents), Truth Cookie (kids book, way too predictable), This Book Isn’t Fat, It’s Fabulous (fun), Lipshtick (for straight women, not my cup of cider), There’s a (slight) Chance I May Be Going to Hell (meh), What Was Lost (melancholy), and the aforementioned Tender Morsels.

Women and cats do as they damned well please, and men and dogs had best learn to live with it. - A. Holbrook

The Golden Cat

Great is the Golden Cat who treads
The Blue Roof Garden o'er our heads
The never tired smiling One
That Human People call the Sun

He stretches forth his paw at dawn
And though the blinds are closely drawn
His claws peep through like Rays of Light,
To catch the fluttering Bird of Night

He smiles into the Hayloft dim
And the brown Hay smiles back at him,
And when he strokes the Earth's green fur
He makes the Fields and Meadows purr

His face is one big Golden smile,
It measures round, at least a mile -
How dull our world would be, and flat,
Without the Golden Pussy Cat

- Oliver Herford from The Kitten's Garden of Verses

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - Mahatma Gandhi

After completing my second preschool storytime, I am glowing with delight. The first went well and all of the children were alarmingly well-behaved and participatory. The second one had an increased attendance by 30% and went even better. One mother told me she came because her friend had said the new storyteller was really good! Plus we had a teen DDR/Guitar Hero program with over 70 people in attendance, showed "Nightmare Before Christmas" to over 40 people and this next week has even more programming. I've also managed to secure a yoga teacher and a hula teacher to volunteer their time for my "Spring Into Fitness" program ideas. I really enjoy my job.

I've spent the last 2 weekends in "The City" and I must say, I do quite love SF. With my mom, I attended the Bazaar Bizarre in Golden Gate park, had tea at Samovar (an illuminating and delicious experience), visited the Cartoon Art Museum (and saw an original Crumb drawing!), and wandered through the SFMoMA shop. I do love spending time with my mother; we are so alike it can be eerie. The second weekend was spent with Zelda, who was kind enough to fly up and visit me. She sprung for a hotel so we were able to visit the Mission Bazaar, complete some Xmas shopping in local shops, have amazingly divine crepes served to us by a gorgeous waitress (I can still taste the brown sugar and lemon on my tongue; I imagine the waitress' skin to have been similarly flavored but I digress), dined at Herbivore and had vegan ceviche and shwarma, wandered the Castro, and walked miles and miles with our eyes wide open. Zelda and I also went to the Crest Theater (not in SF) to see Christmas Tale starring the still-lovely Catherine Deneuve. We happened to choose the French Film Festival night and so were treated to refreshments and a raffle. This did not detract from the grimness of the movie which served to remind me why I refuse to go to French movies alone anymore. I love them but so often they leave a girl melancholy.

I highly recommend a copy of The Deb's Dictionary to all and sundry. A new favorite. Buy it and you'll see why. Now I'm off to do my go-go dance workout and shake off my long workday.

Wear the old coat and buy the new book. - Austin Phelps

I have read myself into exhaustion. I finished "This Is All", an 800 page teen fiction pillow-book style novel. It was wonderful. Well-written and engrossing and drew me into a very emotionally involved state. On Monday, I read "The Gargoyle" by Andrew Davidson, also extraordinarily well-written. The writing was exquisite (no, really) and the story was interesting but I hesitate to say it was a GREAT book. There is no rational reason for this. While we're at it, my week in reading. Also Monday, a Phyrne Fisher mystery set in the 1920s called "Cocaine Blues". Tuesday was "The Bust Guide to New Girl Order", a collection of articles published in the magazine. Wednesday I baked cookies and read "Swear to Howdy" a goofy but tender juvenile fiction and "Gold Fever" and "Sugar", two poorly written lesbian romances that I enjoyed assuaging my loneliness with, at least temporarily. Thursday I completed "Take Another Little Piece of My Heart", the follow-up memoir to Pamela Des Barres' "I'm With the Band". I prefer "Let's Spend the Night Together", her anthology of stories from groupies including Elvira and Tura Satana. I can't help it, I'm a sucker for busty brunettes. Friday was a silly '50s juvenile fiction, "While Mrs. Coverlet was Away". Saturday was the second teen fiction effort of Paul Zindel's daughter, "Secret Rites of Social Butterflies" which I felt fell as flat as her first attempt. Also, the very good and enthralling "Three Girls and Their Brother", a recently released frothy novel that had strongly written characters that took turns continuing a narrative.

Please bear in mind, this was a regular work week. I exercise daily, ran errands, even went out to see a band one night (and left shortly thereafter as jam bands are NOT my thing). I just read a lot and quickly. Voracious. I did learn a fabulous new word though: titivate. Meaning to put on the finishing touches. As in, "I'll be ready to go out as soon as I finish my titivation". Grand, isn't it?

I had to go to a horrible community council meeting, a meeting of the Friends group for our library, attend an elementary school's Family Reading Night, and host a magician's show. All in the space of under 24 hours. At least my work keeps me busy! I am gradually spreading roots into my new home city, an apt metaphor for the "city of trees". I finally have a home Internet connection, simplifying my life significantly. But for now, to bed. The impending cold and exhausting read have worn me out. Sweetest of dreams to all.

There is no mistaking a real book when one meets it. It is like falling in love. - Christopher Morley

Books...are like lobster shells, we surround ourselves with 'em, then we grow out of 'em and leave 'em behind, as evidence of our earlier stages of development. - Dorothy L. Sayers

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. - Frank Zappa

I am very very happy here. My weekend was mostly spent curled in my new red corduroy IKEA chair reading while the rain poured outside. I chopped up the rainbow potatoes, carrots, bell peppers, beets and zucchini and flung them, oiled and spiced, into the oven to roast which made the entire house deliciously warm and fragrant. I am in a new library today and have made a friend of a teen librarian my own age with similar tastes and predilections. We had dinner together on a break and I am so excited to have met her. I'll have to pick a pseudonym for her as well because I anticipate our camaraderie growing.

I am VERY happy about the election. I am VERY unhappy about Prop. 8. The fight has only just begun . . .

I am enjoying my time in the various libraries because I am gaining useful perspective on the universality of patron complaints. They are nearly all the same though studded occasionally with gems. Today a man asked for a book on the planets of Earth. He meant continents, which we discovered in the reference interview process, but he was very sweet and interested and not in the least a figure of fun. But for every one of those, there are a dozen who want to complain about everything under the sun. People fail to be impressed with the fact that I work in a place that allows one to take away thousands of dollars worth of merchandise for free, in addition to providing assistance to anyone with a question they can't answer alone. They have free access to the Internet, unlimited books/DVDs/CDs and all we ask is that they bring things back. They complain about a fine incurred because they were unable to bring back the materials on time (and 3 weeks is a long time to be allowed to keep something that isn't yours, not taking into account renewal possibilities) and can't understand why they should have to pay. And of course, there is the babysitting service. See here to understand. BUT . . . I am not complaining because regardless of the challenges, I love the library and I love my new home!

(though I miss Jane and Zelda dreadfully. And Sam and R. Batty, though I didn't see them much. But no Internet at home is really slowing me down)

The goal of life is living in agreement with nature. - Zeno

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. - Tallulah Bankhead

Halloween was adorable in my current library; we had an infant storytime and they were all dressed in costume. I am now of the opinion that children should ALWAYS be dressed in animal costumes, they are much more palatable that way. There were ducks and penguins and lots of dinosaurs and bears and puppies and monkeys and ladybugs and fairies and a bee. But my favorite was the baby in a bunny suit who had a mom in a magician's cape with a wand and a top hat that was very nearly the size the bunny could have fit. There were all kinds of families, moms, dads, grandparents, aunts/uncles, even a 2-mom family (to my infinite delight) and the storytime was a huge success.

My personal Halloween was unpleasant but I've decided not to dwell and indeed to wash all of that behind me with the starting of a new month. November! Never one of my favorites but considering my current position, I look forward to it. Tonight I am going to cafe that a very cute artist invited me to visit and see her work hanging up. I plan to find the artist there as well. I coyly dropped the "I like girls" hint and she reciprocated so there may actually be hope! I am also researching local organizations that may be willing to donate services for library programs for when I finally get into my new library like roller derby, fire/belly dancers, Mommy and Me Yoga, henna artists, anything that catches my eye. But for today, I'm wrapped in my cozy bamboo scarf (from Etsy, whee!) and carrying my adorable Betsey Johnson umbrella to shield me from the apparently omnipresent winter rain.

Until next time . . .


I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer. - Colette

To be loved, be lovable. - Ovid

Today I helped a patron who was either homeless and insane or eccentric and brilliant or perhaps a combination of the above. He wanted to read an article referred to in the local newspaper and so came to me, working in reference, to trace a copy of the original article. It was in a journal called Neuron and was written about the genetic modifications to enable the erasing of fearful memories in mice. The writing was sophisticated and used quite a few terms that would have been foreign to me, but for my undergrad degree in psychology and the smattering of neuroscience classes I had taken. He was pleased with the result but only copied down a couple of the authors (the most Americanized of the list of Chinese names) and one of the two research institutes involved. He then wanted contact information for a person living in Iowa. His eyes were very lucid, he didn’t seem to be out of his mind, but he had a very strong odor and his hair and beard were matted together. He was, however, very polite and provided me with an interesting challenge during my work day. I also had a woman called who needed a review for Uris’ QB VII, a book published in 1970 and in the New York Times Book Review that year. Fortunately, we had microfilm for the publication she sought BUT she called at 5:15 and her book club met at 6:00. People can be strange.

I also learned that two librarians had been shot and killed in 1993 by a patron, at the very desk where I was working today. I am intrigued by that, in the same vein of interest that always compelled me to seek out the prostitutes working out of my last library or any other seemingly incongruent events occurring in libraries. I quite like my new home and the library district in which I work but it isn’t much different from the one I left. The city is, a complete opposite really, but the library is essentially the same. This is something I observed after reading books like Quiet, Please or Free for All, nonfiction essays on library work and patrons, but I can affirm that it is indeed true. Good thing I love the library.

So what have I been doing in my new home? Exploring, mostly. I attended a fabulous double roller derby bout and both times the home team dominated the visitors. I bought myself a logo-ed tote (to carry my library books) and a 2009 derby girls pin-up calendar. I spent a morning at a gigantic farmers’ market under the freeway and bought loads of fresh produce, cheeses, breads, honey, lavender sachets. I went to the Laundromat with cartoons painted on the walls and spent a pleasant afternoon huffing dryer fresh fumes and reading American Wife. There was a girl there folding her laundry and I found myself transfixed by the stretch of her back that showed above her tank top. I couldn’t stop imagining running my nose from the spot between her shoulder blades up her spine to the back of her neck. She had a gorgeously rounded belly and was cute in an ordinary sort of way but for some reason, whenever she turned her back to me, I was paralyzed with delight. I’ve also spent time just walking aimlessly around downtown to see what I uncover and I ended up finding an incredible salon filled with charming and adorable women who offered cupcakes, tours of the facility, and a great new haircut. I have never enjoyed getting my hair done quite so much. Today, after work, I found a comix store that had a recent delivery of some of my favorites like Peter Bagge, R Crumb, Ivan Brunetti, and Milk & Cheese (which reminds me very much of high school, “Let’s booze up and riot!”). Someone on the street gave me a “No on Prop 8” sticker, which I happily affixed to my handbag. I’ve found tons of fun little art galleries, fire dancers and belly dancers, a lesbian-owned sex toy/novelty shop, the list goes on and on.

My neighborhood is the only drawback I’ve had so far. The house I’m renting is cute, the cats love to stare out the security doors and pass judgment on everything happening outside but my neighbors are LOUD. I share a fence with the Hell’s Angels but they’ve so far been silent. Across the street is another story. Fighting, swearing, yelling, partying, music so loud it rattles my walls, throwing things at one another – it is constant. I’m exhausted with listening; I have no idea how they keep it up. But sometimes it is the flaw that makes the design all the more beautiful and I think that’s true here too. Now I’d like to meet a lovely high-femme girl (who loves to read) to spend some time with me. Fingers crossed, onward . . .

“with its marvelous pinkness . . .” – Tom Robbins

I have successfully completed my move to Northern CA. This is no small feat, I assure you. Some highlights:

* being convinced I had poisoned Ginsberg when he started drooling foamy ropes of spit. My mom was in hysterics, I was upset. Until about 5 hours later, when it was actually really funny
* over 9 hours of driving a VW Beetle with 2 crying cats
* meeting the neighborhood crazy/jailbird when my mother invited him into the new house
* being asked for $5, then called "honky bitch", by aforementioned crazy
* overhearing numerous choice tidbits from the people across the street, including my favorite, "Who do I look like, Kunta Kinte?"
* music from lingering cars so loud it rattles my walls
* the ice cream truck that plays a rap. About ice cream. And samples the traditional ice cream truck song
* discovering I share a fence with the local Hell's Angels compound. Hello, back neighbors!
* watching the kitties enjoy the blue jays through the security doors
* moving through the circuit of my new house and realizing all the space is mine, I don't have to share anything!
* reading. All day. Until I start my job on Tuesday.
* being in a new place is always terrifying and magical
* rising from my own ashes, much like the Phoenix tattoo on my chest

I am very pleased to have this new space to myself. I will post pictures soon but right now I am trying to get everything unpacked in time for the wedding I have to attend this weekend. My best beloved Sam is getting married and I will get to see R Batty for the first time in nearly a year! Bravo for good friends.

Each body has its art... - Gwendolyn Brooks

It is a fragrant day at the library.

Perfect day for a scarf. I love scarves for many reasons, they keep me warm, they add interest to an outfit, I have a long neck and they look good on me, but working in the public library add one more very important reason to the list. Air filter. Many library patrons have less than ideal standards of personal hygiene, as evidenced by my last blog post where there is an "odor" rule. I find that when helping people with their own auras of flower-wilting, nose-curling intensity, having a scarf that is scented with my own perfume that I can pull across my nose and mouth is nearly a requirement. Today has been a day of powerful bodily odors and complete Internet illiteracy, an almost crippling combination for the librarian who is helping them. Who is, of course, me.

Last night was lovely though. Jane and I went downtown for our last First Friday art walk together and I was finally able to buy a piece. Bravo! Just a little painting to bring with me to my new home which I hopefully be able to put an address to in a few days. We had horchata at the Mexican restaurant that is also our tradition and just generally enjoyed ourselves.

But now I am at work, hiding my face in my pink and gold Indian scarf and stomping around in my cowboy boots. I'm my own "Cowboys and Indians" performance art piece!
The body says what words cannot. - Martha Graham

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. - Dorothy Parker

I take back all the nasty things I thought about reference. It is actually completely hilarious. On Saturday, I had a woman call from Florida because it was 3 in the afternoon here and her libraries were already closed but she knew we'd be open. She had a question about a street in Akron, OH. A woman with throat cancer called to find a date for her "beautiful niece, really gorgeous, she's sixty but looks forty and I want to find her a man while she's here. Or a woman. Whatever. She's beautiful though, I'm not just saying that because she's my niece". Who calls the reference desk to find a date???

I had a patron insult me because I was "too young to help, you don't look like you know anything" but an (older) coworker backed me and said that I actually knew more than she did about the topic the woman was asking for. The patron was really bitchy though and very funny.

A woman called because her husband had just died and the memorial was coming up and she had seen a praying mantis and what did that mean? Granted there are the tedious investment questions interspersed but it is mostly a cavalcade of amusing inquiries and I find I will quite miss it. After only a week or two!

However, people are so unrelentingly full of shit! A guy wanted a temporary pass for the computer, then handed me an expired out-of-state id. When I told him that wouldn't work he gave me a different state id. I asked how long he was staying and he said he just moved here. I told him he needed to get a library card then, and he said he was just visiting. I looked him up in III (our computer system ) and found a card with the same name/birthdate. I told him he had a card and he said no, that must be my brother, yeah. I asked if his brother had the same name and birthday and he ignored that and asked if he could get a new card. Librarians are NOT stupid. We have degrees and a significant amount of higher education. Do not lie repeatedly to our faces.

There are heroic occasions as well. One of men who works in the computer center here was on a break outside when he heard a woman scream and found himself chasing a purse-snatcher. He got the purse back. Bravo! But then we have our regular hooker and her pimp, a man she claims not to know when questioned, yet they always show up and leave together. Hmm . . . Zelda asked for a copy of our library rules of conduct to incorporate into her stand-up act since she finds the "emanating an odor that can be detected from six feet away" as grounds for ejection too good to resist. It might be funny if it weren't a necessary modifier.

But I will soon be leaving all of this behind. Sort of. I am looking forward with mingled pleasure and apprehension to a weekend in Sacramento with my little sister, staying here and looking for a more permanent domicile. Wish me luck, the kitties and I need a new home!

A library is an arsenal of liberty. - Unknown

Time the devourer of all things. - Ovid

Further adventures in reference librarianship . . .

* "Uh . . . " this said while scratching a big fat hairy belly hanging out from beneath his shirt

* "I need to know about companies who manufacture walk-in freezers"

* "I need a phone number for Robert Kennedy Jr. Or a personal email address." I was able to provide her with an address for the university where he works and a related email address but she wanted to be certain her correspondence would reach the man himself.

* But most frequently, "I need computer". They mean now, of course. We have 32 computers for public use in the building and they are generally booked within an hour of the library opening. And it is clearly my fault when there are none available.

I have been taking advantage of the reference materials at hand to do useful things like help Jane stalk Woody Allen or make sure Zelda knows the date of the very first SNL show (10/11/75) so she can celebrate the anniversary as necessary.

However -

I just received a start date for my new job as a Youth Services Librarian in Northern CA. That's right, BiblioFemme is definitely on the move! Right now my main concern is a 9 hour car trip in a VW Beetle with 3 unhappy cats. And who I am going to watch Season 3 of Dexter with when it come out on DVD. And where I am going to live when I get there. Okay, the tension is beginning to creep in so I'll sign off and resume flipping through the "Congressional Staff Directory" to soothe my nerves.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. - Eleanor Roosevelt

"You will do foolish things but do them with enthusiam" - Colette

Reference department, how can I help you?

"I need . . . a computer, to know from whom the US bought Alaska, the 2008 budget of the US Dept of Education, help using my Bissell vacuum, to know why I was kicked out and treated like a g-d criminal"; these are some of the questions I answered yesterday. I am most definitely not in YPL anymore. And surprisingly I miss it. That was not anticipated, since I have historically hated kids my entire life, even when I was one. But miss it I do and that is why I am so pleased that this reference position is only temporary. This is not a fact my supervisor is aware of just yet. I had to drive to Barstow on Monday to have my fingerprints taken for the required background check, a trip involving the Mad Greek, blasting tests at the military base, and waiting for the bail bonds lady to show up at the office. Barstow: always a treat. Now I just have to wait until all the paperwork arrives in the new district's HR office to get a start date and I am GONE.

I am getting teary-eyed at the prospect of leaving my loved ones in Vegas. Jane and Zelda have become so intrinsic that I can't imagine not being able to drag them to an all-night dinner for crisis consultation. A wonderful and once very close friend whom I shall refer to as "Tink" just moved back here and I am dismayed at not being able to resume our relationship. And who will have Mumbai Mondays with me? My Bollywood friend and I collaborated on a fantasy roller-derby team called the "Bindi Bruisers" and chose the names "Aishwarya Slay" (me) and "Rani Make-'em-flee" (her). For those not obsessed with India, those names are based on the popular actresses Aishwarya Rai and Rani Mukherjee. I was also thinking "Suttee Widow" would be a great name, especially if she painted flames on her skates. This idea is developing into a programming idea for my new library as well but more on that later. Now I call for comments; what would your roller-derby name be? Check out any number of teams' websites to get a feel for it or the YA book by Cross called "Derby Girl".

In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library. - Jorge Luis Borges

I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. - Groucho Marx

My last day at my current library. A little sad but inwardly I'm rejoicing. I dressed up for the occasion, my 3-inch heels making me an even six feet and my new Red Velvet Cake gloss flavoring and coloring my lips. Today I am super femme librarian! But this next step is only a brief one, I will become a reference librarian here in Las Vegas only temporarily because, to my immense pleasure, I have succeeded in securing the position I wanted in Northern California! I have not yet informed my new boss of this development since I am not sure of the exact date but it seems I will be moving in mid-October.

My visit to the area and my interview happened at the beginning of this week. I spent some time with my mom doing girly things like getting pedicures and buying some gorgeous shoes (including a pair of spike-heeled ankle boots that make me salivate just mentioning them). The library interview was hours of meeting with different people throughout the main library and answering endless questions. My faux storytime and book discussion went well and I was able to introduce some of my new coworkers to "New Socks" by Bob Shea, a great book to read to kids and very funny. Most of my time was spent wandering through the various libraries in the city and checking out the facilities. Such a library geek, even on vacation I tour them. I find that I really love the area, they have a much bigger gay community and tons of museums/venues/fun things to do. Basically the anti-Vegas.

Some fun things about my trip:
1. Meeting my gramma Jewel - in her 80s (though you would never guess) and she welcomed me into her house and tried to fatten me up
2. Tasting the food at an Afghan restaurant - mmm, rosewater and cardamon pudding!
3. Sharing red velvet cake with my mom at the dessert diner
4. Curling up with my mom's cat since I missed my own while I was gone
5. Meeting a high school friend of Mom's - they have a ranch in the middle of the city, horses and everything!
6. Getting out of Vegas and relaxing for awhile

Now I have to start packing and preparing to move. Which will be happening around the same time my best friend is getting married. Celebrations all around!

Don't join the book burners. Don't think you're going to conceal faults by concealing evidence that they ever existed. Don't be afraid to go in your library and read every book... - Dwight D. Eisenhower

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. - Mark Twain

Get not your friends by bare compliments, but by giving them sensible tokens of your love. - Socrates

I went to visit an old friend at B&N yesterday. While we were chatting, a customer came up and as she was helping him, he turned to me. "Can I give you a compliment?" Uh, sure? "You are perfect", he said. "I don't know if it's your clothes, your face, your body, but you are perfect." I thanked him and he left the store with the item you purchased. In telling this story to friends, some people think it is totally creepy and others think it is very kind. I was flattered and pleased to receive such a lovely compliment on my birthday and he was not slimy or overbearing in the least. Unlike some encounters . . . When Jane and I went to see local punks The Objex play a show, a drunk frat-type sidled up next to us. (The type I have nicknamed "terminal preppie" from the Dead Kennedys song of the same name) He began asking if I'd like a drink/dance/to go out sometime. I replied that I was flattered but that I am gay. He looked me up and down and provided this oh-so-charming rejoinder: "Why women? You're so attractive." Excuse me??? A girl would only be gay if she were too ugly to get a man? Fortunately Jane hustled him away before I made him permanently sterile but this is such a common problem for femmes. Just because a girl wears lipstick and heels, reveals some cleavage or likes to wear skirts, does NOT make her heterosexual. I have been reading articles about this on Sublimefemme Unbound and Femme's Guide to Absolutely Everything and they seem to be in agreement. I love being gay, I love pretty girly women, and I love to wear heels. Anyone who wants to make assumptions about me because of it should think again. I won't even start on the librarian sterotypes.

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. - Lynn Lavner - as published in PFLAG

We've kept the good old vices and labored to invent a few, With cake in vulgar surplus we can have it, and eat it too. - Toy Matinee

This is a gift from my coworker and friend, an ideal treat since I hate chocolate and this is a pair of adorable *pink* cupcakes with "perfect pink icing" and "petite pink curls". This the femme-iest girliest dessert I have ever seen. I squealed delightedly but only managed to devour one of them on my lunch break. Delicious! I am such a lucky girl.

There is nothing better than birthday cake. It's like a slice of concentrated love with buttercream frosting.

from Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

Or in my case fruit on top, since my beloved roommates presented me with a tres leches cake, my absolute favorite. Indeed, it is my birthday and I am pleased to welcome my 28th year. I am completely ready to release the age 27 to the ether that absorbs one's past because it was not my finest year. But I greet this birthday with wonderful and loving friends who, against their better judgment, presented me with 2 Bollywood movies to feed my Indian addiction. One of the two stars the divine Aishwarya Rai, for whom I am still holding out. I enjoyed a shower with black licorice scented body wash (another gift) and carried my library books back to work in my Indian-themed tote (from my Mumbai Monday friend). I always make it a point to call my mom on my birthday and offer my thanks for giving birth to me. I am rather indebted to her for that, I suppose. Sam and R Batty sent cards perfectly suited to my taste; they both managed to make me laugh aloud with their selections. I joined ALA with a birthday check from my grandparents and am now a full-fledged member, hooray! Thank you to everyone who made my birthday so delightful so far.

I like birthdays, as I like New Year's Eve or the first day of a month, as an good place to start a new chapter. Give me some comments, what do birthdays mean to you?

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost

If little else, the brain is an educational toy. - Tom Robbins

"How I love libraries, any and all libraries, those sanctuaries for the maimed and undanceable, the lowly, pimply, neurotic, overweight, underweight, myopic, asthmatic . . . Few are the flirtations in a library. Few are the assaults, physical or verbal. Libraries exist for people like me."
- Joyce Carol Oates, Expensive People

Today is my first day as a "librarian". I breezed past the breakroom, not needing to swipe my card and fairly danced toward my desk. I remain in my current library for 2 weeks but my position and pay change today. This will sustain me through my "I Sing the Body Electric" program today, where I will hand out saltines and explain the digestive process, we will breathe deeply and explain the respiration process, I will lead the patrons in a simple yoga series and try to understand what it means to fully inhabit one's body. Trying to do yoga with our jaded and thuggish little patrons? Not my brightest choice but perhaps it will succeed. I am in an anticipatory state, refining my program plans for the upcoming interview. Stargirl and Pigeons Finds a Hot Dog are my selected texts for use. Mo Willem's is a proven success with children, I read that book in my nephew's classroom to great acclaim and hope that positivity will carry over to my interview. And I have adored Stargirl since I first opened it, know it inside and out, and hope that comfort level will enable me to speak cogently and present my ideas well.

I like the loner's view of libraries presented by the narrator in Joyce Carol Oates' Expensive People, library as sanctuary for the unacceptable. I have grown up in libraries, remember checking out stacks of books up to my chin, arms extended and aching. I have always slept surrounded by shelves and shelves of books, find solace in running my eyes over them, rearranging them by subject or theoretical LC call number. (I am not yet far gone enough to have actually cataloged my home library) I bring home great stacks of materials, create extended reading lists, systematically work my way through the piles, assimilating and digesting materials from fiction and nonfiction alike. Books take me out of myself and return me improved. Reading is my joy and my solace and I am so lucky to have finally become a librarian, less than a week before my 28th birthday. Now on to more sobering personal matters.

"Only when the honey turns to dust are you free" - Rebecca Solnit, Field Guide to Getting Lost

This is a perfect summation of my current requirements, I am trying to let the honey that coats my heart turn to dust so that one of my many sighs might puff away the residue of adoration and pain. And so to will the sighs fade away, my eyes clear our the glamour that has entranced me. I likened my current state of sensation to the original "Little Mermaid" story, where she felt as though each step she took was on razor sharp knives. I feel as though each beat of my heart drives a thousand billion (the same number as cells in a human body) tiny spikes deeply into the muscle. But only when I remember her. The trick is to escape and let the honey become dust so that the memories will just be sweet and part of my arsenal of experiences. Until then, I will drown myself in books and experiences. Today's attempt? Sew Subversive, a book on creating one's own fabulous wardrobe though my talent in the domestic arts is restrained solely to the cleaning sphere. Cooking and sewing are nearly hopeless pursuits. I will keep trying though . . .

Intriguing fact from Harper's Index in October of 1989: Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250

Check out some of my new favorite online comics: Girls with Slingshots!, Eat Your Lipstick, Kawaii Not.

"Go to bed, redhead!" - Jane

The above was bellowed at me last night after I kept popping out of my bedroom to contribute to my roommates' conversation. I decided to share a redhead fact from The Roots of Desire: The Myth, Meaning, and Sexual Power of Red Hair. According to this book, 70% of all redheads have a gene linked to higher than average levels of pain tolerance. Apparently this is more effective in females than males. So redheaded women are Amazonian super women. Ha. Also red? A phoenix, a mythical bird from Egyptian and Islamic legend known for its' beautiful song and fragrant nest that bursts into flame, incinerating the bird so that a new one can rise from the ashes. There can be only one Phoenix at a time. This "rising from the ashes" idea is the reason I have a phoenix tattooed on my chest because I tend to set myself on fire more often than I might like to admit and like to believe I am all the stronger for it.

"You deserve a longer letter than this; but it is my unhappy fate seldom to treat people so well as they deserve" - Jane Austen

"The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting" - Andy Warhol

I am channeling the pain of my pinata-smashed heart into work-relate productivity. I just developed a Stargirl book talk for teens that will be part of my interview process for my ideal job. I can't wait for mid-September. Now I am designing a body program for school-aged children that will provide a simple yoga workout at the end. This is part of my grand plan to get kids away from the computers and at least get their blood moving for 15 minutes or so. We'll see how successful the program is. Now I'm faced with the task of designing a yoga workout for children that is simple to follow but keeps their interest. Hmm. Since I have been practicing yoga (along with pilates, bellydance, Bollywood dance and myriad other types of fitness) for at least 5 years now, I should be able to do this successfully, right?

And in the realm of Bollywood, I enjoyed another "Mumbai Monday" with my like-minded friend when we watched "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai". Which brings the total of Hindi phrases I know to 3: "pain of disco", "my love", and "something is happening". R Batty supports my linguistic endeavors though questions the usefulness of my phrases. Enough chatter, more yoga.

"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body" - Sir Richard Steele

If something anticipated arrives too late it finds us numb, wrung out from waiting, and we feel - nothing at all. The best things arrive on time.

So said Dorothy Gilman in A New Kind of Country.

"We'll see"

These words have been haunting my life ever since the ex punched me in the face and the whole bizarro world universe unfolded and claimed me as a resident. Although lately the "we'll see" has been significantly more pleasant as it is now about job opportunities, interviews I have had for Orange County public libraries and Sacramento public libraries. I really really really want a position in Sacramento. I want to leave Vegas and all the sordid associations behind, taking with me only the infuriating lessons I have learned. I am trying to avoid any more drastic financial decisions while untangling myself from the wreckage of the ones previously made.

I have not posted for awhile since I no longer had the educational requirement. But I decided to continue because I think it will be an asset in my new job (where ever that may be) by keeping me connected to the technologies of Web 2.0. Plus it will make Sam smile. Which, now that she is a lawyer with a gigantic new house, she will need an occasional smile to take her mind off work. Though her backyard is a veritable desert paradise. Jane and Zelda are trying to figure out where they will live when I leave. Jane just secured a shiny new job that offers such jewels as "full-time" and "benefits" and "not working with the public". Zelda plans to be in New York in 6 months time. But right now, we are all three trapped in this "we'll see" holding pattern.

Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So. . . get on your way. - Dr. Seuss

This was in a "Congratulations" card that my coworkers gave me for graduating the MLIS program. How appropriate.

Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture - Jacquelyn Mitchard

But at least they're consistent. I love that about cats. I woke up this morning with three of the four arrayed along the length of my body, Ginsberg encompassing the entire torso. Today is the very last day of my very last class of library school. I shall become a Master of Information Science. Bravo to me.

Anyone familiar with Squidoo? I came across it today while reading articles on LifeHacker (also a great site) and learned the following:

Squidoo is a website hosting hundreds of thousands of handbuilt webpages (just to be difficult, we call them "lenses"). Each lens is one person's look at something online. Your take on football or business or the best thai food in town.
Lenses are free to set up.
Lenses are easy and totally non-techy.
Lenses pay a royalty to hundreds of great charities. (Or straight to you! Lots of lensmasters earn hundreds or thousands of dollars a year).
Lenses get you credibility and traffic... and lenses only take a few minutes to build.

I think that will be my next Internet application to explore. Because while the class that inspired me is ending, the inspiration is not and I want to continue seeking out new applications. Also, I am very pleased with Twitter. I have recently had 3 complete strangers begin to "follow" me and it makes me blush like I am being flirted with or something. I am flattered! But now I will go back to applying for jobs all over the country. I have interviews in Sacramento, CA and Norfolk, VA and who knows what will come next?

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself. - Henry Miller

I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresented life by leaving out sex. - Vonnegut

Further explorations in Internet applications: Cuil. I am NOT impressed. This is being touted as the replacement Google and provides more privacy but in my estimation, provides no results. I appreciate that there is no personal information retained by the Gaelic-named search engine pronounced "cool" (seriously? totally geeky) but if there are no results retrieved, why would I use it? I found IxQuick, a metasearch, to be more useful and it retrieved things in my control search that Google did not. A lot more actually. I think I have a new friend. That said, the love I feel for Google will never be supplanted because Google encompasses a search plus Email, Documents, Chat, Maps . . . the list seems endless. Don't worry, my Googley darling, I'll always be true. Or until something better comes along.

Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner. - Omar Bradley

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - Arthur C. Clarke

Again, School Library Journal has made me the happiest little techno-kitten in the Internet yarn shop. July's issue has a long article about Twitter, one of my new applications with which to experiment and has inspired me to do two things: 1) work to get Twitter added to my library district's homepage, and 2) begin a folder with articles that further my professional development in the library field. The article gives tips on using Twitter, a list of the most followed librarians on Twitter (a new aspiration of mine!), and Twitter tools and mashups to be used for enhancements. Marvelous fun for experimentation. And ladies? Jane, Zelda, Sam, R. Batty? I expect you to get involved here.

I started reading a book called Water Cooler Diaries that follows a work day for a variety of women across America. It is mind-blowing to see the variety in women's days between states and occupations and pursuits. I love reading feminist and feminine literature, even the occasional chick-lit but mostly of the classic variety, like Valley of the Dolls or Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. I have read countless tomes on the female experience, like Ophelia Edut's collections of essays on body image or essays about quinceneras or anything unique to women. Perhaps it is because I am a lesbian (sorry to the islanders in Greece who so object to sharing this term!) or perhaps it is just because I love and value women as a feminist but either way, it is just good.

To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god. - Jorge Luis Borges

Happiness depends upon ourselves. - Aristotle

Book recommendation: The Geography of Bliss

I began reading this book and am completely absorbed by the content. A correspondent for NPR decided to visit the countries with the highest "happiness rating" to determine what makes a place one of the happiest in the world. It is part-travel and part-psychology, completely intriguing. While in Bhutan, learning about collective happiness, he came to the conclusion that "trust is a prerequisite for happiness. . . . Several studies, in fact, have found that trust - more than income or even health - is the biggest factor in determining our happiness." If this is indeed the case, no wonder the US scores so low on the rating scale. Though we have great wealth in resources, trust in neighbors, the government, institutions, everything, is often absent. Another point he made later (in Iceland) caught my eye: that happiness and unhappiness are not two sides of the same coin but are different coins entirely. Icelandic people he met told him that they "cherish (their) melancholia" and that "you nurture your little melancholia, and it's like a buzz that makes you feel alive. You snap yourself a little bit and you feel this relief of how fragile life is and how tremendously fragile you are." I agree with the assessment that you must have pain to know when you feel pleasure. The book is definitely opening me up to new understanding of happiness and forcing me to recall what I learned while getting my psych degree.

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth. - George Bernard Shaw

Addendum: I finished the book and the entire thing was just as good as it began. A tip I picked up from Thailand is that relationships come before problems, and preserving a realtionship is more important than addressing a disturbance. The Thai also have a good sense of when to say "never mind" and actually forget something, instead of the bitter American "never mind" that actually means something else entirely. Excellent read.

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. - Poe

When the time comes for Google to rule the planet, I will lay down and let it (them?). Since I began this blog, I discovered iGoogle, as mentioned previously. I continue to tweak my iGoogle page to ensure that all my needs are being met, including my most recent addition of a comparative cost-of-living calculator as I fantasize about leaving Vegas and wonder if I could afford to live elsewhere. This Google obsession drew me into getting a Gmail account, since my beloved Sam has one and now we can chat while we are both at work. Then I explored Google Reader and now have feeds on my iGoogle page to update me on all my favorite sites. Finally, Google Documents. No longer will I fall prey to the tyranny of the flash drive ruling my life by requiring me to carry it at all times. Now I can access my work any time from any Internet connected computer. So frankly, Google has won my heart completely though Sam does have concerns about privacy invasion BUT I say small price to pay. Also, in a School Library Journal article I read, I learned a Google search can be limited by using the term "site:gov" or "site:edu" or anything to establish what type of source is sought. One would imagine I would have learned this already in 2 years of library school but . . .

I can't wait for work to end today because I have dinner plans with Jane then we will arise early to go swimming, a pleasure that is so regressive in the absolute enjoyment of it. Onward to sunshine and lots of sunscreen and good friends.

Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air…
Ralph Waldo Emerson

To have a really good time, you don't have to actually look good, you just have to think that you do. - Warhol

One of the pleasures of living by yourself is the privilege of being able to practice, day after day, in whatever order you wish, the rituals that define your tastes and aspirations without any threat of disruption. . . He had loved, a few times briefly but only once seriously. The love wasn't returned and so he made peace with all the aspects of single life that so many people find abhorrent. Now he valued them above all else. Over time he'd mutated from a lonely, watchful person into a completely self-sufficient one, treating himself with the same affection a love would. - Katherine Tessaro

Goodbye, Bunny.

The dead celebrities party was a danceteria success and I quite enjoyed posing as Wendy O. Williams for the night. Warhol danced with Kurt Cobain and Brandon Lee practiced Bollywood moves with Zelda Fitzgerald. Selena and Princess Di got tipsy and fell together on the couch.

We're all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde

I need to make one thing very clear – I detest children. I always have and they have always liked me, so it makes a perverse sense that I am a children’s librarian. However, I do believe that in choosing to have one, you have a lifetime responsibility to put that person that you created first over everything else. Which is why I am so unhappy this morning at yet another example of parental neglect at the library. A girl who is under 2 years old is running around the library and her sister of about 7 is expected to mind her. When no one was paying attention, her short little legs ran off and fortunately not out the door but over to the adult side instead. No one noticed but me. And I only noticed because our computers are down. I walked over to find her and when I crouched with my arms outstretched, she ran into them. How dangerous is this? I am a stranger; she doesn’t know me at all yet trusted me completely. The sister came to find her and I walked them both back to the parent with a firm instruction to keep an eye on her, a challenge because she had a baby in her arms and therefore wasn’t as mobile as one need be to mind a toddler. No sooner had I returned to my desk than the little one ran over to me again. Am I the most attention she has gotten in some time? Nothing makes me feel misanthropic quicker than a morning like this. Not liking children aside, I still thing they are humans and therefore deserving of treatment with affection and respect.

Enough. I am reading a FABULOUS book called Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever and it is wonderfully funny and insightful. Jane is reading it simultaneously and we are both enjoying it. We also both read Sex and Bacon which is an absolutely brilliant and sybaritic read in addition to being so applicable, Jane copied out a quote and affixed it to the fridge because it reminded her of me. Magnificent. Now I will start reading the technology issue of School Library Journal, both because it interests me and because it may have some useful information for my final class.

I miss stars. That is a huge drawback to the lights of Vegas.

The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago, had they happened to be within reach of predatory human hands. - Havelock Ellis

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars... - Jack Kerouac

“It’s METAL to like clowns” – Toki from Metalocalypse

I spent my weekend watching cartoons about metal. When Nathan Explosion had a nightmare about working for Dimmu Burger (a play on the band name Dimmu Borgir for any non-metalheads), I rolled around on the couch clutching my belly. Cartoons are so soothing; perhaps that is the appeal of Drawn Together as well. I have many preferences that indicate to the outside observer that I may pursue some rather childish interests: glitter, fairy tales, cartoons, ice cream and . . .

I adore rainbow sprinkles. (Hate donuts though)

One of the reasons why, however, is not so childish. Once upon a time in Hollywood, I went to the Erotic Museum and saw on the wall a photograph that has remained burned into my mind ever since. It was a close up of a hand covering a woman’s genitals. All of the skin was covered with a very thin layer of chocolate syrup, just enough to make it look glossy and bronzed and topped with a generous application of rainbow sprinkles. I stared in open-mouth admiration for some time and still regret not finding some way to purchase it. It was so erotic and playful and magnificent and spell-binding that I still remember it vividly. Bravo for sprinkles.

I passed my Capstone. I will graduate in 5 weeks, provided I pass my final internet applications class.

I don't believe in total freedom for the artist. Left on his own, free to do anything he likes, the artist ends up doing nothing at all. If there's one thing that's dangerous for an artist, it's precisely this question of total freedom, waiting for inspiration and all the rest of it. - Federico Fellini

Art is merely the refuge which the ingenious have invented, when they were supplied with food and women, to escape the tediousness of life. - W. Somerset Maugham

It has never been my object to record my dreams, just to realize them. – Man Ray

Today has been a banner day at the carnival freak show that is public librarianship. There is the usual cavalcade of unbrushed and grooming optional patrons that is more extreme on certain days. The patron who calls herself “Xena Wonderwoman”, makes herself bullet-stopping bracelets from aluminum foil (she is in her 30s but has some severe developmental disabilities), and bellows at the top of her voice whatever inanity comes into her head. The gigantic 17-year-old who play Yu-Gi-Oh with kids half his age (and gloats about beating them) and wears his sunglasses in the library. Today was a priceless quote from a mother that made me clutch my coworker’s leg to stifle my laughter: “Sydney? Do those books honor God?” This was in the whiniest self-righteous voice I have ever heard and I have immediately appropriated this phrase for my own vocabulary. At lunch with Jane, I asked her if her burrito honored God. She tried not to choke. Public libraries are the strangest places.

I have been thinking a lot about books that influence me. Anything by Francesca Lia Block makes me dreamy and idle. Spending by Mary Gordon made me long for a patron so I could indulge in my artistic pursuits (nevermind that I haven’t any sort of talent). Femme’s Guide to the Universe by Shar Rednour always helps me feel bien dans ma peau. Jacqueline Susann’s books are so escapist I can hardly remember my own name. Alexei Kruchenykh’s poems expand my consciousness. Bukowski and the Beats ground me. Please note this is a very limited list as my collection is too large for complete inclusion in a blog post. I use books for everything; about time I became a librarian.

“Learn to value yourself, which means: to fight for your happiness.” – Ayn Rand

Not only was her memory as sheer as her stockings, but each thing it held shone through every other one so vividly that all were hopelessly suffused.

So says Paul Eluard.

My next big program at work is the School-Age Storytime series that starts in the fall. It is a 6-week program and this will be my first time doing one for school aged patrons. I am exhausted with the Preschool Storytime and look forward to working with the older kids. My plan is the base the entire 6 weeks on the Jerry Spinelli book Stargirl, which I consider required reading for any and everyone. There is a fabulous message of creativity and self-acceptance which are extremely important for anyone but especially elementary and middle school aged kids. Ideally I will no longer be in this library by then, having secured my degree and a position as a librarian but I enjoy the planning all the same. Though I imagine the program will be sparsely attended, if it all. I had 2 people show up for my GLBT storytime, to my grave disappointment. The statistics for my library’s zip code show that 70% of our residents live below the poverty line. Our program attendance is sporadic and nearly impossible to judge. However, the amount of young patrons who come in unattended and spend the entire day, without meal-breaks, is mind-blowing and wildly depressing.

Moving on, I look forward to a surprise day off on July 4th. I have plans with Jane and Bunny to get pho and taro shakes (because what spells YAY America more than Vietnamese food?) for lunch. Perhaps I shall spend it cleaning my house. I came across a poem that I adore though I am not sure of the author which I shall post below:

I always liked housecleaning
even as a child
I dug straightening the cabinets
putting new paper on the shelves
washing the refrigerator inside out
and unfortunately this habit has carried over and I find
I must remove you from my life

“It is better to be bored on one’s own than with others” – P. Bonard

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. - Oscar Wilde

One thing life has taught me: if you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else. - Eleanor Roosevelt

I dined with a friend yesterday who bestowed upon me the gift of a necklace, a tiny piece of bamboo dipped in gold and threaded onto a red string. The purpose of the necklace is to make a wish when fastening it and to wear it until the string breaks, at which point your wish will be ready to come true. Wishes are a funny territory for me; after being raised atheist, I am very skeptical of anything I can’t prove. However, I am also wildly romantic (as cited in the beginning of the blog) and my desire to believe in such things propels me forward, though I remain doubtful in the back of my mind. After dining, we returned to her house to watch the Bollywood film “Don” with Shah Rukh Khan. I adore Bollywood films because they are overflowing with music, dancing, colors, and beautiful women. Which are all things I like. And speaking of dancing, Jane, Zelda, and I are having a “dead celebrities” party wherein the guests are invited to dress as their favorite dead celebrity and the manner in which they died. I am considering Wendy O. Williams though Zelda has some odd desire for me to dress as Marilyn Monroe.

On the library science front, I have completed all my discussion posts and assignments for the government documents class. My full attention is now turned toward the internet applications class, for which this blog was initially created. Bravo to me and my (for once) wonderful group members.

My newest word acquisition is eudaimonia, to have a flourishing life. I learned it in the June issue of Psychology Today, in an article about being “authentic”. Try using it in a sentence.

“Of course it’s possible to love a human being if you don’t know them to well”
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead”
“An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.”
-all from Charles Bukowski (not the cat)

Words dazzle and deceive because they are mimed by the face. But black words on a white page are the soul laid bare. - de Maupassant

“She could feel the water seeping through her skin, the droplets turning into tiny silver coins that jingled as she moved” – Nick Bantock

Jane laughed at me when she got home from work last night. I was sitting on our couch/bed in the living room eating watermelon and watching “Metalocalypse”. And laughing uproariously at all the metal jokes. It’s true, I am a closet metalhead. Not so closet really though. I love bands like Diabolical Masquerade, Satyricon, Melechesh, Dimmu Borgir, Old Man’s Child, Dying Fetus – the list goes on and on. I prefer black to death, symphonic to noise, the terminology is near infinite. My good friend Tom Banjo is a huge metalhead and got me into it in college, when he played in a band call Thrones of Scorn. There is nothing more soothing after a long day of yelling at squirelly kids than an extended scream courtesy of Bethlehem. This doesn’t in any way impact my love of disco and other super-gay dance music, it is just a supplement.

On to library related things. Today I added a Twitter widget to my blog, another step in my developing knowledge of internet applications. If you haven’t explored it, the service is just a way to keep your intimates updated with developments in your life in a bite-sized portion. I have seen it on http://www.kawaiinot.com, one of my favorite cartoons online and decided to finally take the plunge. Another site I interacted with today is http://www.graphjam.com where users can submit their own humorous graphs for inclusion on the website. I submitted a Smiths-based bar graph, I hope it will be included. These graphs can make me laugh aloud. But now I need to stop ignoring the fact that a huge pile of reading for my last week of government documents awaits my attention and so I sign off –

“it has been given to few mortals, eyes which witness the dance of desert dervishes – ‘Joshua Trees’ – in arboreal ecstasy – ashiver in a sheen of melligenous moon of Mojave” – George Herriman, author and illustrator of the “Krazy Kat” comic strip

Poised beneath a twig-wigged tree, she spills her sparkling vocal powder. - Szymborska

I loathe government documents. My class is interesting and I appreciate that all the information is in whatever source my professor directs us to but wading through each tedious and exhaustive document is like being sucked into quicksand. Or so I would imagine. I especially hate the Congress sites and find them uniquely unnavigable. It took my over 2 hours to complete 4 questions in a single part of my homework assignment. Again, I am pleased the class is only 5 weeks long and I am in week 4.

Jane called me at work yesterday, to inform me that we had bees in the house. Bees?!? Who has bees? I thought at first she was joking, considering everything else we have had to deal with, both individually and collectively, in that house but apparently she was in earnest. I learned there is a “Bee Master of Las Vegas”. Bee Master? I am a huge fan of honey but that is the extent of my preferred interaction with apiculture. There is a great quote from a novel called Fourth Queen about a sultan’s harem and one of the queens describes her feelings as follows “So close have we been, with our chests opened and our ribs splayed like bone petals, with the honey running, and our two hearts like red bees, humming and sucking together.” This is a bee quote I can get behind. My idea of romance has always tended toward the gory, like Slavenka Drakulic’s Taste of a Man in which the woman consumes her lover after determining that cannibalism is the only true marriage, the way that two can literally become one. I read this book in middle school because my librarian mother did not censor my reading at all (with the exception of disallowing VC Andrews’ books which I have still never read) and imagine this idea has since shaped my theory of relationships. I have another relationship theory based on punk music that allows for three couple options. 1 – Sid/Nancy (Sex Pistols) – obviously an explosive and overwhelming passion that destroys all involved. 2 – John/Exene (X) – once romantic develops into long-term friendship. 3 – Lux/Poison (the Cramps) – lasting romance, the fairy-tale type of love (that makes allowances for hookers and drugs) and is forever. I shall close with a quote from Paul Eluard’s letters to Gala that showcases his overwhelming adoration for his muse:

“Abandon yourself to whatever tickles your fancy, nuzzle whomever you please, ogle whoever pleases you”

When they have eyes for me, it's like Heaven. - Ginsberg

There is another celestially-relevant quote from the Beats; Gregory Corso said "I'd reached Heaven and it was syrupy. It was oppressively sweet." I imagine he is correct and Nietzsche said “In heaven all the interesting people are missing” which basically cements my preference, should I indeed find there is an afterlife. Hell, however, may be found in Staff Day for the LVCCLD. All of the library district’s employees are dragged to a casino and forced to endure hours of monotonous and inane lecturing from a series of irrelevant speakers. The one bright spot in the day was a futurist speaker who discussed innovations in the Internet and other devices, like the Pleo Dinosaur and iGoogle. I am now completely obsessed with creating a perfect iGoogle page which includes a daily literary quote, CNN.com, weather, moon phases, art of the day, NY Times crossword, MapQuest directions, mini-Amazon, an iTunes feed, movie times for my zip code, my email inbox and a translation box. And all of that is just on the home page, I have separate news and art pages. Then there is, of course, the background choices, including artists like Agatha Ruiz de la Prada. I am completely enamored with iGoogle. I was for so very long avoiding all sorts of technology with a fanatical passion but taking this class has flung me forward into exploring all types of Internet applications. I didn’t have a cell phone until 2004. I still don’t have television and probably never will. The combination of the class and the speaker at Staff Day has ignited my enthusiasm for Web exploration and constructing things to my taste.

No television does not equal no movies though. I watched “Desk Set” last night and fell absolutely in love with Hepburn’s brilliant reference librarian, Bunny. The scene on the roof where Spencer Tracey’s character interviews her is priceless and an excellent example of the incredible value of a librarian’s brain. “Party Girl” is another favorite librarian movie and Parker Posey makes an incredible conversion to the marvels of cataloging in an absolutely charming series of events. I watched the “Librarian” parts 1 & 2 with Noah Wyle but was not all that impressed. Any suggestions for good library movies? Post a comment.

I spent my day off yesterday removing every book on my shelves, dusting the shelves, and reorganizing the books in a new order. My arranging is similar to the LC categories but I have yet to actually generate Cutter numbers for them. There may come a point when that happens, perhaps after I graduate and have more free time. Alarming, really.

“The wild nerves of your poems will translate straight into my tongue” – D.M. Thomas

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol

"There's something in my ear and I don't think I can get it out" was just said to me by one of our regular patrons, a 14-year-old boy who is much too big and strong for his age. "What did you put in there?" I replied, keeping a mostly straight face. He wasn't sure what it was or how it might have gotten in there and seemed reluctant to try any of the removal suggestions I looked up for him. He then re-seated himself at the computer and logged back on to the online Gaia gaming site. *sigh*

The joys of public librarianship are many.

open your lovely twilight eyes very wide - Paul Eluard to Gala

There is a prevailing stereotype regarding librarians: frumpy women with glasses, buns, and a shushing frown plastered across their wrinkled faces. Look at the photos from an ALA conference and this will seem to be entirely accurate. I love this stereotype because it allows me to break it, to be a rockstar librarian. My boss likes to send me to do our school outreach because I have red hair, tattoos, and I’m under 30. So when I enter a classroom and ask who knows where I am visiting from, the students rarely know the answer. I did get one girl who guessed I was a doctor which I found both strange and flattering. I do wear glasses (after online MLIS work for nearly 2 years), I often wear my hair in a French twist, and I have a penchant for librarian cardigans. I also love to bellydance, have danced on stage with Iggy Pop (at last year’s Vegoose music festival where Jane and I had artist-access wristbands and got tons of free stuff and hung out with Flava Flav and Chuck D, among others), enjoy cheering on the Sin City Rollergirls at their derby bouts, and love to go to offbeat places like the outdoor sculpture museum at Rhyolite or to the Amargosa Opera House. (Look those last two up, you’ll be glad you did.) All of these aspects of my life are integrated and not exclusive. Maybe next time you visit your local library’s reference desk, you should give the librarian an extra glance to see if you recognize her from somewhere else.


"Hey you, just keep on dancing". This quote from the incredible Austin duo Ghostland Observatory was written by Jane on a picture of Mikhail Baryshnikov and hung on our refrigerator and it never fails to make me smile.

“I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket” – Sylvia Plath

Pleasure is the beginning and the goal of a happy life. - Epicurus

I am not a fan of children. It seems odd that I work in the Young People's Library but it was the luck of the draw and I took whatever position was open. That being said, there are a few notable and adorable exceptions. One 3-year-old girl has taken a fancy to me and uses my name quite frequently in her stream-of-consciousness monologues made me laugh today when she was telling me how excited she was about the Summer Reading Program. The prize at the end of the program is a gold medal and we have a poster advertising the prizes hanging behind our desk. She pointed at the poster and said "See that gold medal? When I go to sleep, I will dream of that and when I wake up, I will read and read and read" and this continued on for about 5 minutes. This made me grin hugely.

"Nothing exists unless it's on paper". - Anais Nin

I feel there is an angel in me, whom I am constantly shocking. - Cocteau

Our next assignment for class is to interact with Flickr, something I have never done. After extensive research on folksonomies and the Semantic Web for other classes, I am well aware of Flickr but amazingly have yet to visit it. I am such a Luddite at times. I refused for as long as possible to get a cell phone but am now completely addicted to text messaging. I still find actual vocal interaction distasteful but endure it. HOWEVER – I had some incredibly delightful interaction with my mother via phone when she called to offer financial assistance in the form of a loan to repair my air conditioner. As it was over 100 degrees for the last week and up to 93 degrees in the house, this offer could have saved the lives of my cats. Now I am wallowing in delightfully cooled air and able to again focus on my schoolwork.

Government Documents is more interesting than I anticipated and I have learned a lot of fascinating things. Like the Federation of American Scientists (FAS.org) exists. This is a group of scientists formed by some who had worked on the Manhattan project to keep the public and policy makers informed about the developments in the scientific field. Intriguing. I also learned about NASA’s qualifications for being an astronaut – surprisingly not as difficult as one might imagine. Or one might hope for, now that I consider it.

I have a new favorite word: sprezzatura. Italian term for “the art of effortless mastery”; this is a concept of great importance to me as I expect to just be able to naturally do things I have never done before. Sometimes I am successful, like with French-braiding my own hair. Sometimes I am less successful, like with my cataloging class and working with the AACR2. I did reach cataloging mastery but it was certainly not effortless. I am always shocked when I encounter something I am unable to execute immediately, as I apparently have a reckless self-confidence and assume I am completely invincible. Though I do have an Achilles’ heel – my astonishing lack of common sense. This ties in with my tendency toward romanticizing and forgoing necessities for luxuries, quite like the Dorothy Parker quote from the last post. I have been seeking quotes as of late, 1) because I like them and 2) because the Bunny is taking a psychology class on motivation and is required to collect motivational quotes. My favorite of her selections and also the title of a fabulous YA book is “Be patient and tough. Someday this pain will be useful to you.” I haven’t a clue who said it but the Bunny enjoys it so much that she plans to have it tattooed on her wrist. I of course think this is a brilliant idea. She never ceases to amaze me. Another quote I found in my searches was a Dorothy Parker, “I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.” And I don’t bite my nails anymore, unless under extreme duress. Another Zelda Fitzgerald (why did her husband get all the attention?) “She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn’t boring.” Fabulous women, these. Another source of great quotes is the movie “The Women” from which Jane and I get the designator “jungle red” for really delicious gossip. And now to end the post and return to my desk in the monkey house. I can’t wait until elementary school is back in session.

-BiblioFemme

Punk jokes are hilarious to very few (but I'm one of the few!)

Q: What has 8 arms and kills its girlfriend? A: Squid Vicious. Ha!
Q: How many Rudeboys does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 4. One to drop it and 3 to "pick it up! pick it up! pick it up!"

Okay, enough. I am in a quandary regarding my upcoming story time. Our library district is, for the first time, celebrating GLBT Pride month. This is incredibly excited and I am delighted to have been on the committee to ensure its’ occurrence. However, I have already heard complaints from others in the library district that I will be pushing a homosexual agenda on unsuspecting children. This is wrong for many reasons but I shall list 1) there is NO agenda that homosexuals have to trap any unsuspecting heterosexuals in some sort of weird deprogramming ritual, 2) the kids who attend the program will most likely be the children of gay parents and therefore are already WELL AWARE of homosexuality, 3) it is a district-wide recognition of gay pride! I will not create a trajectory rant on gay rights or any other social or political issue in this blog but I feel that is relevant to my experiences as a Sin City librarian.

Writing this blog reminds me of my first time in college at UCSD when I was so involved in the radio station (KSDT) and the associated “scene”. It was a very different experience than the ecampus program in which I am currently enrolled and I find I prefer the latter. San Diego taught me I hate surfers and quite enjoy artists (but I had my suspicions in that regard anyhow). I had a pink Mohawk and piercing though I grew out of both. I also picked up a lot of fabulous new bands and music knowledge that has served me well (like at the eviction party the Locust threw). I am grateful for the experience and pleased that it is behind me. This segues nicely into my musical therapy theory – music can always change your mood. Songs that will always make me happy, no matter how behind the couch I feel (ask Jane about “behind the couch”): Madness’ “One Step Beyond” (this is also to be played at Jane’s funeral, it’s a pact we have), Erasure’s “Oh l’Amour”, Madonna’s “Hung Up” (how to make ABBA and Madonna gayer? Mix them together!), the theme from the Bollywood movie Dhoom 2 “Dhoom Again”, the Stooges’ “I Wanna Be Your Dog”, the Specials “Monkey Man”, and anything from the Misfits (only with Danzig singing). Post a comment, what’s your happy song?

- BiblioFemme

"Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was" - Margaret Mitchell

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it" - the divine Mae West

I am a deeply superficial person. - Andy Warhol

I find it intriguing that the library system in which I work purchased and circulates a book called "Daring to find our names : the search for lesbigay library history" edited by James V. Carmichael, Jr. I would never have imagined that there would be a demand for such an item that it would be created in the first place and subsequently purchased and included in public library collections. Though I sought and found it, so perhaps it isn’t so unusual after all. I am enamored of all things library. “Party Girl” with Parker Posey is one of my all-time favorite movies, essential viewing for all future librarians. And speaking of my future as a librarian . . . where to end up?

Sin City is not a big place for libraries and literacy really. But in my research, the most literate US cities are all cold and rainy places, environments with which I am completely incompatible. The noticeable exception to this rule is Atlanta, GA which, according to Places Ranked and Rated, has well over the national average of libraries. Average for a large city is 27 and Atlanta has over 100! Plus high rankings for art museums, science museums, local music and gay culture – all qualifications high on my list and severely lacking in Sin City. I agree with Warhol’s assessment, “I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They're beautiful. Everybody's plastic, but I love plastic. I want to be plastic”, but I can’t afford to live anywhere in CA.

And speaking of not being able to afford things, the a/c in the house is broken and none of us can afford to fix it. This is terrifically sad, since Jane, Zelda, and I are all degree-holding and employed, yet can hardly afford to feed ourselves, much less finance major repair work. I can gauge the house temperature by the cats and how flat to the ground they are. If they are little furry puddles, it is far too hot. If they are sitting in meatloaf shape and seem relatively animate, we are safe. They still try to cuddle with me at night though, causing a seriously overheated sleeping arrangement.

Lately, I have leaned toward insomnia and instead spend my nights staring into the dark and thinking about library science. Seriously. One of my classes is much like my philosophy undergraduate work and encourages mental unraveling of some of the more intricate ideas presented. The other class is working with government documents but even that isn’t putting me to sleep. I am delighted at the prospect of my MLIS being so close. Then I can put on my helmet and sword and charge out, declaring myself MASTER of INFORMATION to a largely uninterested population. Though my story time kids might enjoy that. Today they were all engaged in our stories, participated in the songs and activities, just generally has the sort of time that makes the job rewarding. They crack up at animal sounds, LOVE to “shake their sillies out”, and go ape for the gluing/cutting/coloring/dot-connecting crafts presented to them. But being in a small room with 53 little ones quickly becomes terrifically unpleasant. I’ll conclude today’s post with a pair of applicable quotes from Dorothy Parker: “I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it” and “Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves”.

My Love Affair with Colette

This is an essay from a beloved (by me) French author Colette on the art of writing:

A woman of letters who has turned out badly: that is what I must remain for everyone, I who no longer write, who deny myself the pleasure, the luxury of writing.
To write, to be able to write, what does it mean? It means spending long hours dreaming before a white page, scribbling unconsciously, letting your pen play around a blot of ink and nibble at a half-formed word, scratching it, making it bristle with darts and adorning it with antennae and paws until it loses all resemblance to a legible word and turns into a fantastic insect or a fluttering creature, half butterfly, half fairy.
To write is to sit and stare, hypnotized at the reflection of the window in the silver inkstand, to feel the divine fever mounting to one’s cheeks and forehead while the hand that writes grows blissfully numb on the paper. It also means idle hours curled up in the hollow of the divan, and then the orgy of inspiration from which one emerges stupefied and aching all over, but already recompensed and laden with treasures that one unloads slowly on the virgin page in the little round pool of light under the lamp.
To write is to pour one’s innermost self passionately upon the tempting paper, at such frantic speed that sometimes one’s hand struggles and rebels, overdriven by the impatient god who guides it – and to find, the next day, in the place of the golden bough that bloomed miraculously in that dazzling hour, a withered bramble and a stunted flower.
To write is the joy and the torment of the idle. Oh, to write! From time to time, I feel a need as sharp as a thirst in summer, to note and to describe. And then I take up my pen again and attempt the perilous and elusive task of seizing and pinning down, under its’ flexible double pointed nib, the many-hued, fugitive, thrilling adjective . . . The attack does not last long; it is but the itching of an old scar. It takes up too much time to write. And the trouble is, I am no Balzac! The fragile story I’m constructing crumbles away when the tradesman rings or the shoemaker sends in his bill, when the solicitor or one’s counsel telephones, or when the theatrical agent summons me to his office for “a social engagement at the house of some people of very good position but not in the habit of paying large fees”.

S-T-A-U-N-C-H

"I tell you if there's anything worse than dealing with a staunch woman... S-T-A-U-N-C-H. There's nothing worse, I'm telling you. They don't weaken, no matter what." - "Little Edie" Bouvier Beale in Grey Gardens

Required by a class in my final semester of my MLIS program at UNT, I have begun a blog about being a Young People's Librarian in Sin City. Rising like a phoenix from the smoking wreckage of my past, I am curious to create this outlet and see how the experience will develop. My truths? I am very nearly (see me August 8, 2008) a librarian. I am a voracious reader. I am gay and an enthusiast of roller derby, burlesque, and bellydancing. I have a lot of tattoos including several designed from comics by R. Crumb and George Herriman. I share my house with 4 cats: Allen Ginsberg, Charles Bukowski, Zzyzx, and Icarus. And I have 2 fabulous roommates whom I shall henceforth refer to by their imposed pseudonyms: Jane (for Jane Birkin) and Zelda (for the name Marilyn Monroe used when checking in to hotels). The following is a quote from Allen Ginsberg that seems appropriately updated by replacing the word "poetry" with "blog": "Poetry is the one place where people can speak their original human mind. It is the outlet for people to say in public what is known in private."

I am not a writer, beyond research papers, but rather a consumer of what is written. I like to collect quotations from myriad sources and save them in a journal. I have a color-coded planner that never leaves my side and my books are all sorted in a method similar to the Library of Congress cataloging. I am bossy and a know-it-all show-off; I am selfish and well-aware of my own shortcomings. I am just shy of becoming a crazy cat lady. That said, I am looking forward to the upcoming interactions with this blog.

- BiblioFemme