I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. - Dorothy Parker

I take back all the nasty things I thought about reference. It is actually completely hilarious. On Saturday, I had a woman call from Florida because it was 3 in the afternoon here and her libraries were already closed but she knew we'd be open. She had a question about a street in Akron, OH. A woman with throat cancer called to find a date for her "beautiful niece, really gorgeous, she's sixty but looks forty and I want to find her a man while she's here. Or a woman. Whatever. She's beautiful though, I'm not just saying that because she's my niece". Who calls the reference desk to find a date???

I had a patron insult me because I was "too young to help, you don't look like you know anything" but an (older) coworker backed me and said that I actually knew more than she did about the topic the woman was asking for. The patron was really bitchy though and very funny.

A woman called because her husband had just died and the memorial was coming up and she had seen a praying mantis and what did that mean? Granted there are the tedious investment questions interspersed but it is mostly a cavalcade of amusing inquiries and I find I will quite miss it. After only a week or two!

However, people are so unrelentingly full of shit! A guy wanted a temporary pass for the computer, then handed me an expired out-of-state id. When I told him that wouldn't work he gave me a different state id. I asked how long he was staying and he said he just moved here. I told him he needed to get a library card then, and he said he was just visiting. I looked him up in III (our computer system ) and found a card with the same name/birthdate. I told him he had a card and he said no, that must be my brother, yeah. I asked if his brother had the same name and birthday and he ignored that and asked if he could get a new card. Librarians are NOT stupid. We have degrees and a significant amount of higher education. Do not lie repeatedly to our faces.

There are heroic occasions as well. One of men who works in the computer center here was on a break outside when he heard a woman scream and found himself chasing a purse-snatcher. He got the purse back. Bravo! But then we have our regular hooker and her pimp, a man she claims not to know when questioned, yet they always show up and leave together. Hmm . . . Zelda asked for a copy of our library rules of conduct to incorporate into her stand-up act since she finds the "emanating an odor that can be detected from six feet away" as grounds for ejection too good to resist. It might be funny if it weren't a necessary modifier.

But I will soon be leaving all of this behind. Sort of. I am looking forward with mingled pleasure and apprehension to a weekend in Sacramento with my little sister, staying here and looking for a more permanent domicile. Wish me luck, the kitties and I need a new home!

A library is an arsenal of liberty. - Unknown

"You will do foolish things but do them with enthusiam" - Colette

Reference department, how can I help you?

"I need . . . a computer, to know from whom the US bought Alaska, the 2008 budget of the US Dept of Education, help using my Bissell vacuum, to know why I was kicked out and treated like a g-d criminal"; these are some of the questions I answered yesterday. I am most definitely not in YPL anymore. And surprisingly I miss it. That was not anticipated, since I have historically hated kids my entire life, even when I was one. But miss it I do and that is why I am so pleased that this reference position is only temporary. This is not a fact my supervisor is aware of just yet. I had to drive to Barstow on Monday to have my fingerprints taken for the required background check, a trip involving the Mad Greek, blasting tests at the military base, and waiting for the bail bonds lady to show up at the office. Barstow: always a treat. Now I just have to wait until all the paperwork arrives in the new district's HR office to get a start date and I am GONE.

I am getting teary-eyed at the prospect of leaving my loved ones in Vegas. Jane and Zelda have become so intrinsic that I can't imagine not being able to drag them to an all-night dinner for crisis consultation. A wonderful and once very close friend whom I shall refer to as "Tink" just moved back here and I am dismayed at not being able to resume our relationship. And who will have Mumbai Mondays with me? My Bollywood friend and I collaborated on a fantasy roller-derby team called the "Bindi Bruisers" and chose the names "Aishwarya Slay" (me) and "Rani Make-'em-flee" (her). For those not obsessed with India, those names are based on the popular actresses Aishwarya Rai and Rani Mukherjee. I was also thinking "Suttee Widow" would be a great name, especially if she painted flames on her skates. This idea is developing into a programming idea for my new library as well but more on that later. Now I call for comments; what would your roller-derby name be? Check out any number of teams' websites to get a feel for it or the YA book by Cross called "Derby Girl".

In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel